My journey

Well, I have decided to start this support group so that I can share with all of those people who love, care and are curious about my journey. It started April 17, 2009, when I felt really bad, I mean bad, couldn't breath, body was so swollen I couldn't even feel my hands and feet. I am extremely overweight, more than I have ever been. I was tired of it. I went to my doctor for my physical , I was dragging and well feeling at the end of my rope.

I had been doing a lot of soul searching as to why I let myself get so big. It occured to me....I have no children, My husband is in bad shape also, my parents have diabetes and heart disease, my little brother has MS and well I think I am so afraid that everyone will die and leave me here alone, so, I guess I was trying to beat them to the punch. It occurred to me at this time, just how many people in my life would be effected if I was not here. I am not bragging, but just saying that I can not stand the thought of my folks, or my husband having to bury me, my co-workers would not only be stuck with my work, but I hope they would also be devistated that I was not around to drive them nuts.

Last but not least, I realized that I needed to get in shape so that I can take care of those I love.When I got on the scales at the doctors office I was not suprised to see that my short 5'4 body was carrying 390 pounds. Ouch, wow, maybe that's why everything hurts. I spoke with my doctor with tears flowing, telling her of my suicide mission that I was on and that I knew it was now time to get my life back. She also put my suicide mission into prespective by telling me that another scenerio would be that I would not die before everyone else, but that I would get so sick with bad knees, diabetes, heart disease, bad back and no one would be here to take care of me. Hello, never thought of that.

Anyway, she brought up gastric bypass, I told her what I really wanted to do is come see her in 3 months and bring my food journal that I started and if I had not made a significate weight loss, then I wanted to consider the surgery. She put down 25 pounds lost in three months as significate, I'm to go into the clinic and weigh each month until I go and see her, and thus the journey has begun. I have been eating properly since and following my own plan, I was walking around the courthouse everyday until my knee started giving out and then I had to back it off to Monday Weds and Fridays, then I went to the doctor about this and she sent me to the Ortho, he began a five week series of shots in both knees that helped to cushion them. Although they were painful, they were worth it.

But I am feeling better much better and I am excited to see what the future brings as I continue to lose weight. I weight once a month, and keep a daily food diary so that I can keep up with my 1800 calories per day and as of August 17, 2009 I had lost 48 pounds. I have had my struggles, but I have muddled through them with a lot of prayer and self talk. This is going to be a long journey, but I am just going to take it a little at a time. I had 245 pounds to get to where I want to be, but I just focus on a few pounds at a time. I don't set goals like I am going to lose 10 lbs by this date, because I have no control over where my body will take me, so I just do my part and let God and my body do the rest. I have had support and encouragement from many people, some that I had no idea would be there for me and others that I knew would be. Support is a great help and I will share more of my adventures over the last few months and in the months to come.