Part two

OK, so have you been hanging long enough. I have no children in my life and my husband doesn't expect to live long and well my parents have health issues and my brother had a health issue, and I began to realize that I was going to one day be all a lone in this world, so I think subconsciously I began to destroy myself, so that maybe I would die before anyone. Guess what, I began to realize that I was not able to take care of my husband, I was not able to take care of my parents, and I was getting to where I could not take care of me. And of course, after talking to my wonderful Dr. May, she pointed out that what would really happen would be that everyone does go before me, I would be sick and an probably in a home with no one to take care of me and that it would probably be better if I get to the point that I can take care of myself. So, the journey began.

Now, someone said not too long ago, they wish I had my will power, but you know it's not will power, it is knowledge, you may think you don't have enough time to research things, but if you want your life back bad enough you will make the time.

I will try to start sharing things in my blogs that you can go to and read and all. But I think the biggest thing was to just cut down on my calories and eat the right ones, and you know I found that I got more food to eat then I did not watching my calories.

If you have gotten started on a plan, hang in there, remember that life is worth it and the more you lose the more you will realize that, if you were on something and got off, don't give up, keep trying one day you will realize how worth it, it is. If you would like to get on a journey and just don't know where to begin, the first thing, get up and get moving. It hurts, but it's worth it, before I started the eating plan, I got up from my computer at work and started walking, it was really hard at first but I began to get stronger.

Then I researched things on CalorieKing.com and set up my food journal which I blogged about a few blogs back. And made it a challenge to stay within the calories I allotted for myself. If I went over I just did better the next day. If you will check out my links and see silverswan web site I have some of my weekly journal pages on there, I chose to weigh once a month, I use to weigh weekly on other plans, but a month makes it more challenging for me.

So, make time for yourself learn the things you need to know. Because you must properly arm yourself to win any battle. Don't deprive yourself, don't starve that just throws everything off, if you want to lose you have to eat, just eat the right food.

If you have questions about anything in these blogs please feel free to e-mail me or blog or comment. I am going to continue to share what I can here and if you have questions it will give me things to blog about. Have a great day and I will blog later love mel

how it all began

I was thinking about it this weekend and I have been just touching on my journey here and there. I've not really shared how it all began. You see I know that many people are on many different plans and I wanted to keep this site where everyone could talk about their plan and how it is working for them. But, you know if you are having trouble figuring out how or where to start my story might help out a little.

A year ago this past Thanksgiving I was having a lot of chest pain and feeling worse than I had ever felt. I could not breath, I could not walk and I could not even function. I was depressed and miserable, I was scared, people at work were fed up with having to run and do things for me because I couldn't walk. I even went as far as putting all my medical info in my desk, let everyone in the office know it was there because I was so afraid that I would have a heart attack, stroke or worse and no one would know what to do with me.

After being in the heart hospital with my mom and realizing that my dad and brother were running circles around me and I couldn't even make it down the hall, I started realizing that something had to change. I thought back on the people that would look at me and say, why are you killing yourself? And after walking the biggest loser and hearing them talk about what is making you the way you are, I sat down and went through about two months of thinking, crying and meditating. And well I realized a lot of things and those things were striking deep into my soul. I don't plan on writing about all this in one blog, I am going to draw it out because it is so long, but tune in tomorrow sometime and I will share my discovery with you.

In the mean time, think about what is tearing you up inside, what is making you turn to food, drugs, booze, or anything else you are addicted to. What hurt is it comforting? Once you figure out at what point you started committing your slow suicide and figure out what changed in your life at the time that you began this distructive action, then you can deal with it and decide if it is truely worth killing yourself over, and who is really going to hurt or benefit from your distruction. I think you would be really suprised at what surfaces.

getting through and empty calories

Well, i weighed yesterday, i was feeling really good and feeling as though I had done a lot, however; the scales had a different story. I did nothing, not a thing, no gain, no loss. I am thankful there was no gain, but it does get me a little down. But when I think back on this past month I realized, I had a bunch of empty calories. It's not just counting calories, but its the kind of calories. I have a big weakness for kettle chips 18 for 150 calories. But if this is something you eat a lot of it's just empty calories. I have in the past tried to find things that had few calories but I get a lot of it. I failed on this this past month, therefore I was hungry a lot and also ate calories that really did me no good. So, keep and eye out for that. I did get a little down, but I have no choice but to continue, because the alternative is going back to the way I was and that is not an option. I never want to feel that way again.

neat site with neat recipes

Well, I have been running around crazy, but I have kept to it. I am feeling pretty good about weighing next week, can't wait to let everyone know how I did. I took a couple of rough months off, but I didn't gain back much so it was easy to get going again. Anyway, a friend of mine sent me to a really cool site with some cool recipes on it, you might already know about it, but if not here it is: www.hungrygirl.com I found some really good looking stuff on it and I think I might give them a try to liven things up a bit.

almonds, almonds, almonds

Ok, for all of you who can eat almonds, which I know some are allergic to them, I will tell you that it is probably a great thing to have while you are trying to loose weight. I have been eating almonds since I started my journey, I put them in my oatmeal, my cereal I eat a handful at break. Of course I do count them out and I count the calories. They can be expensive, but I get mine at Walgreens because I can get two big cans for $7.00 and when they are on sale they are two for $5. I usually get the honey roasted. They aren't as good as some of the brand names, but you get more for the money. The following is a great article on almonds, enjoy it. :)

INFORMATION FROM WEBMD Almonds May Help in Weight Loss http://www.webmd.com/diet/news/20031107/almonds-may-help-in-weight-loss

food journals are great

Well, so far today has gone well, my calories are staying within limits. I am back to keeping my food diary and I will be posting it on my site later this week. That is one thing in past times, people I know would encourage me to keep a food diary, however; I was lazy and felt it was a waste of time. But, I have done it almost everyday since I started my journey 9 months ago and it is the best thing I have ever done. It not only helps me to keep track of what I am eating and what I can do at night, but it also makes it more challenging. And I like a good challenge. If you think that work is in the way of you keeping your diary, then if you have access to Excel, that is the best thing to use. I started mine on a piece of paper, that was time consuming and hard to keep up with and then I decided that I am in front of my computer everyday why not set it up on the computer, so I did I set it up in Excel. At first, it felt like it took a lot of time, but once I got the practice down and got to know my calories a bit, now it is a breeze and it adds the stuff up for me. And it also helps me in my grocery buying, because I just go by my journal and know what I need to get at the store the next time. Anyway, that is one of the first things I open when I get to work. Just a suggestion from the minds of the weird. :)

time for more changes

I've been pretty lax in a lot of things in my life lately, I did really well last week getting my eating back on track. I had gotten back up to 332 from 325. Mostly because I lost that 7 pounds incorrectly. I've been depressed and stressed out about a lot of things going on in my life and about things I wish would go on. I sat down a couple of weeks ago and thought about what I've been doing and realized that gaining my weight back instead of losing the rest of it is going to only make life more difficult for me and others in many ways, so the best thing to do is put on my big girl panty, suck up all that is going on and just keep fighting for what I want in life and that is to feel good and live. I will be weighing on Feb 18 and will be going in to see my favorite doctor in the whole world and see what she has going. I look forward to sharing with all of you how that appointment goes.