how it all began

I was thinking about it this weekend and I have been just touching on my journey here and there. I've not really shared how it all began. You see I know that many people are on many different plans and I wanted to keep this site where everyone could talk about their plan and how it is working for them. But, you know if you are having trouble figuring out how or where to start my story might help out a little.

A year ago this past Thanksgiving I was having a lot of chest pain and feeling worse than I had ever felt. I could not breath, I could not walk and I could not even function. I was depressed and miserable, I was scared, people at work were fed up with having to run and do things for me because I couldn't walk. I even went as far as putting all my medical info in my desk, let everyone in the office know it was there because I was so afraid that I would have a heart attack, stroke or worse and no one would know what to do with me.

After being in the heart hospital with my mom and realizing that my dad and brother were running circles around me and I couldn't even make it down the hall, I started realizing that something had to change. I thought back on the people that would look at me and say, why are you killing yourself? And after walking the biggest loser and hearing them talk about what is making you the way you are, I sat down and went through about two months of thinking, crying and meditating. And well I realized a lot of things and those things were striking deep into my soul. I don't plan on writing about all this in one blog, I am going to draw it out because it is so long, but tune in tomorrow sometime and I will share my discovery with you.

In the mean time, think about what is tearing you up inside, what is making you turn to food, drugs, booze, or anything else you are addicted to. What hurt is it comforting? Once you figure out at what point you started committing your slow suicide and figure out what changed in your life at the time that you began this distructive action, then you can deal with it and decide if it is truely worth killing yourself over, and who is really going to hurt or benefit from your distruction. I think you would be really suprised at what surfaces.